open letter to JJ & STY: how Twitarded is saving lives

please let LKW know that i mean her no disrespect. i recognize she is now an integral (and hilarious) part of Twitarded. "like a fuckin' tripod, dude." but i want to speak more towards the impact of the choice that you made on Jan. 15th 2009. the day the world changed forever. the day you made the decision, for the very first time, to PTMFS...

bear with me for a second. when i blog, i create a mental picture of myself in a room speaking with all parties involved. i have something i wanted to communicate to you but have run into a problem. as you reported at your Bloggy Board Meeting 2.0, you have quite a backlog of emails, so i figured that was out. i thought about leaving a comment for you at Twitarded, but I'm not sure if you'd really notice it. visiting your blog in the "mental picture" realm is a lot like being at an N'SYNC concert in the 90's, a Michael Jackson concert in the 80's, a David Cassidy concert in the 70's, a Beatles concert in the 60's, or an Elvis concert in the 50's. (do i need to go back for Frank Sinatra in the 40's? anyone? anyone need the Frank Sinatra reference to drive the point home?) basically, a whole lot of screaming girls and it's way too easy to get lost in the din. :)

so i thought i would at least give a shot to an open letter because there is something i really want to share with both of you.

i want to make you aware of an impact that you have made. i have only been a resident here in what most dub Twitardia (as a nod to you, of course) for about 2 short months. in that time i have been able to observe from a step back, not actually being a Twitard myself, and watch and listen and gather information.

from what i can tell, at least within the circles that i am privy to, 90% or more of these women got their "in" at Twitarded. which is why i refer to you as the Ellis Island of Twitardia. women come looking for a new land of promise and somehow they all find you first. they arrive, are given a "new name", become acclamated for awhile, and then are shipped out into the new world ready to start a life of their own and add to the wonderful diversity of this fair land.

now while i did not get my start with Twitarded i interact with many who did. it is amazing to see how interacting with you and that Blog of yours just opens women up. it completely brings out this beautiful, funny, snarky, filthy, unapologetic, unashamed, mind-blowingly creative side to them that is hell bent on having fun and filling all those around with joy and love. it is really hard to quantify actually. if we were to strictly go by followers, it would be a safe generalization that you have touched at least 1461 lives. that's a crowd the size of 46.83% of Forks' population, btw. these women have in turn spread this spirit through their own blogs.

which is where i come in, very late to this party.

these women have accepted me with nothing but charity and generosity the likes of which i have never experienced anywhere else with any other group of people. the spirit that resides in this place is very special and it is a wonderful place to call home. you have helped these women to find their true selves and i would imagine that each and every one of them would thank you profusely for that, and probably do daily. hence the backlog of email? :)

but internal changes are hard to quantify as well. they are very subjective. then a few days ago it hit me. here is the empirical proof i have been looking for. check it.

the impact on my life of spending time in this place has completely revolutionized how i interact with people on a daily basis. the joy that i receive from being here flows down to the over 150 employees i have underneath me. as a result, their joy has increased, bringing up overall morale, which has in turn lead to increased productivity and profitability. which in turn is then helping to make their jobs more stable for themselves and their families, and also helping to create new stable jobs for others to come and partake of. if you include all of the family members, i would say that this impact directly affects over 300 people who have no ties to Twitardia whatsoever.

here's an example of a communication that i sent out to my team just this past Monday, word for word:

"I don’t have much else to say! After a night like last night I just want you all to sit and bask in the glow of the number sheet and feel good about a job well done. :)"

how would you love to get something like this from your boss? how would it help to motivate you in a more positive way?

this impact is not limited to my area however. as a result of how well my area has been doing, the rest of the market has begun to step up as well replicating the same results. this means that now you are looking at impacting 1500 people (employees and families).

the following day, we had a meeting with all of the DMs and our Market Director. Things have been going so well over the past few weeks, AS A DIRECT RESULT OF THE IMPACT YOU HAVE MADE, that it was the shortest meeting on record. it only lasted 15 minutes and all he had to say was , "great job! keep it up!"

with those 1500 people added to the 1461 followers you have, it is 94.9% of the population of Forks. you my dear ladies have impacted enough people to almost fill Forks. and you've done it all with smut and sarcasm. :)

i share this only because i know that if it was me, and something i was doing for fun was impacting people i've never met in such a HUGE and positive way, and i had no idea, i would want someone to let me know. so here you are.

next time you start to feel guilty about the time you spend doing this, or wonder if it's worthwhile, please remind yourself about this story. remind yourself that what you do, helping women to unleash their inner creativity and being, is ACTUALLY IMPORTANT AND IS HELPING TO HEAL NOT ONLY A PART OF OUR NATION BUT OTHER LIVES ACROSS THE GLOBE!!!!

and the next time someone IRL wants to give you shit about what you do, or make you feel guilty about it, or tell you that it's a waste of time, tell them to take this story, roll it up tight, and then cram it up their ass with no lube! WOOOOT!!!!!

on behalf of ALL residents of Twitardia (not to be presumptuous, but i feel pretty safe with this one) I would like to say Thank You. Thank you for what you have done and continue to do without even trying!!!! Mwah!!!!
(don't worry JJ. still no tongue in that one...
"calm down, i just met you.")

much love,



  1. Wow. Perfectly summed up. Nothing to add. Instead, I would just like to sign my name under this letter, ok?

  2. Dear Mr. Pantz,

    You are amazing.

    For the first time last night I talked on the phone to one of my besties in Twitardia, 17ForeverLisa. We discussed just what you are talking about in your letter, how we have become better people because of Twitardia.

    Before all this I was feeling lonely and like people didn't understand me, then I found Twitarded and 17ForeverLisa took my under her wing and now I fly all on my own with a joy I could never have imagined for myself. The love and support that is shared is beyond incredible. I can't think of too many things that bring this many people together from all over the world. Case in point, Jelena in the first comment is from Serbia and I am from Pennsylvania in the US and her and I tweet, email and comment together often. Without Twitarded, Twitardia and all the other amazing blogs out there, we never would have met.

    Lisa and I discussed how JJ and STY are like the CEOs of Twitardia and how in FFOORRKKSS they will probably be on show to us like rock stars. To me, I know that whenever they comment or send me an email or tweet I feel extra special. I feel like a celebrity is contacting me and I get all giddy and happy. We also talked about how they don't even understand that or expect it but between this open letter and the comments you are sure to get, hopefully they will begin to feel the impact. I mean, really, how many people are travelling to FFOORRKKSS just because Twitarded is going? I know I am and I know that a certain hotel is sold out because of it.

    JJ and STY are amazing people as is everyone else in the land of Twitardia... including the men who walk with us :)

    Thank you for writing this letter Mr. Pantz. You bring me joy every day.


  3. This made me teary; this made me laugh out loud at my desk in my office in the middle of the last day of one of the most gawd-forsaken weeks in recent STY-IRL history; this made me say "Holy shit - we did all THAT?!" and for all of that, I thank you.

    I am totally stoked that I already told you the welcome mat is out for you in Forks, and we [probably] won't even ask you to do "The Tuck" (but feel free if the mood strikes you).

  4. Love this! Those Twitarded chicks rule.

  5. Dayam. Like STY, this actually made me teary too. Thank you! And it's really overwhelming and wonderul and just plain fuckawesome at the same time that y'all feel that way.

    It's funny, when STY and I started Twitarded we never, ever, in a million trillion years thought this is what would happen. But it did and we've gotten to know so many of you and... well, you are all fucking amazing people.

    Honestly, at the end of the day, when I'm tired and feeling shitty because sometimes RL just sucks a dirty monkey's ass, I know I have all of you folks to look forward to and that makes it alllll good.

    You guys have made this the absolutely best place in the world, real or not.


  6. Shit fire ladies!! WHO is Mr. Pantz? Mama wants to find him, and do stuff. You, know...STUFF...to thank him for that fucking cool letter he wrote which like a pebble in a pond, will ripple "warm & fuzzies" throughout the land of Twitardia.

    Mr. Pantz....can I tweet you?

    Mama Cougar

  7. I can't believe you just wasted a whole blog post on those dirty twats! LOL! Just kidding... it was an awesome post and ya, ok, I got a little teary eyed too. Or maybe that was from the pollen. And I feel no disrespect, however, be expecting a punch in the nuts from me in Forks. I kid, I kid, really.... I wonder which leg of the tripod I am?

    I love JJ and STY like my husband loves bacon (and let me tell you... if he had a choice between taken me to a deserted island and taking bacon, I'm fairly certain I'd be left behind.) It was very sweet of you to make all of us in Twitardia feel like we're doing something for the greater good.

  8. Sniff. Couln't agree with you more Mr Pantz! Since taking up residence in Twitardia I have been happier than I have been in years. You just can't deny it. Beautifully written tribute to our fearless leaders (and I am proud to say my friends)! I am going to go have a moment and possibly sneak in an extra special virtual fondle for JJ, STY, LKW and all my fellow Twitards...and one for you Mr. Pantz. Hugs, kisses, and fondles.

  9. No way!!! I had no idea your blog was up and running. I just saw it on TongueTwied's blogroll. It was meant to be that I just now found it, though, because guess what? I am...drum roll please...Follower 17! Yes!!!

    @Mr. Pantz - This is am amazing post and you got it right. Twitarded birthed us all and they can't give us away now even if they want to ;) It's been an amazing journey of self discovery. No. Make that re-discovery. I have found myself again. I have "me" time, and I get to spend it with some absolutely amazing people. Welcome to Twitardia and the land of blogging. You're in good company.

    @Dangrdafne - I forget more and more things every day, but how I first "met" you is not one of them. When you tentatively commented that you had been to Italy with DangrMomma for your 40th birthday and toured the NM film locations, I wanted to know more. Who knew that when I asked if I/we could see pictures, it would lead to a real friendship and a trip to FFFOOORRRKKKSSS!!! I can't wait :)

    @JJ & STY - As you know, you popped my bloggy cherry. You were my first. I know you're proud that I've been whoring myself out ever since, though ;)

    @E - You and your children are beautiful!!!!! As you know from my blog, my children are my life. Thanks to both of you for sharing this piece of your life with us. Mwah!

  10. Glad to hear about a positive ripple effect from the blogkindom when obviously you have picked up that so many of us in RL are subject to being shut down whenever we want to let the Twilight in our heart and soul spew too long in a conversation.

    but again mr pantztoyou, I have penis envy. ;)

  11. This is great. I love when we can see the impact we have the ability to create. Thank you for this letter. Not only for telling STY and JJ the truth about what they do but for also reminding me to just do what your heart tells you to do. Something that makes you happy. And to just watch how things fall into place with it. You couln't be more right about the things you said.

    @DD: I totally know what you mean about having Twitarted send you a comment. The first time I saw STY and JJ comment on mine I was so extatic!

  12. can i just say? Best. Day. Ever. WOOOT!!! I can't believe what the hell has happened to me today. Not just here, but IRL the Twitarded effect rang loud and clear throughout the Twin Cities today and it was wonderful. We had one of the best meetings ever again at a place called The Nook where I devoured me a Juicy Nookie. "I'm so glad you asked! It's a hamburger filled with molten cheese." I even postulated a theory at the table that "herpes humour is always funny" only to find out that JJ corroborated that theory just last night.

    i got to reunite some dear friends who had been somewhat estranged today.

    my boss called me back as I was on my home from the meeting to tell me he forgot to tell me I was getting a raise because i have been doing so well but not to tell anyone because no one else was getting one.

    then i get home to find that my blog has exploded.

    i simply asked to see if there was any way i could get this message to you two and the crowd just picked me up, chair and all, and thrust me directly into your faces. (that's how awesome you all are. Thank you!)

    Then to see this absolutely beautiful and moving tribute on Twitarded.

    You can't imagine how connected I feel right now to the globe. There are people I've never met before talking A LOT about me right now. I can feel it. And now I sit here, having stayed up WAY too late yet again, losing time in this Narnian Wardrobe of a Rabbit Hole.

    I can't predict the future but I would like to come back and answer some comments. not now. i have about 3.5 hours before I gotta get up with zaavan and rowyn. but i will come back. promise.

    i know i have a penis and all, but don't be afraid or feel weird to speak up. you can say whatever you want here. it's all love from here. in fact, if some day i DON'T get a comment that i have to scroll down three times to get to the bottom of, i'm going to think you don't love me. :)

    275 visits and only 12 comments. there's a whole lot of lurking going on... but i can hear you whispering. ;P

  13. Mr Pantz, thank you for so eloquently expressing what so many of us feel. I can't even remember how I stumbled into Twitardia, but I do know I'll be life long citizen!

  14. *sniff* It's true. Life IS better with Twitarded.

  15. Mr. Pantz you are AWESOME. Love this post!

  16. Well said Mr. Pantz!! Thank you for writing this wonderful message to JJ and STY! They have definitely impacted my life for the better!! I love my new snarky and smutty side brought about by these ladies and all those in Twitardia!!

  17. Wow...just wow! You rock Mr. Pantz!!!!!!! These fine ladies are making life better for everyone with their snark! I will also admit I teared up a bit there at the end. I wish I was going to Forks so I could meet them (and you) in RL but I think I would just end up rambling and stuttering every time I would try and talk to them. They are rockstars to me!

  18. No. Nobody ever blogs sober(unless maybe you are blogging about being sober and I imagine there are a gazillion or two of those blogs out there but I never looked for one soooo...). Frankly I was already questioning the filter on that "cigarette" in your avi (nice try but we're totally on to you).

  19. thank you for validating the readers and the writers.

  20. Wow. Just...wow. Mr. Pantz, I raise my half-filled glass to you. I appreciate the eloquence, but I'm counting on you to push your snark button later on :)

    The tripod are busy enough IRL, but they take time out every day to throw down the creative gauntlet, and more often than not, make us laugh our asses off. We see it, we know it, we tell them almost daily, but it's so great to have someone with a peen hoist them up and cover them with warm fuzzies.

    Thank you for taking the time to figure out what the hell we see in all of this. I have found it difficult to fully explain why I am so invested in these ladies, and why I feel that I'm better for them. The bf is trying to figure it out, but mostly he thinks it's ridiculous. I feel so.... Justified! Validated!

  21. Mr. Pantz, I already love you. Couldn't agree more with the things you have said. Sometimes all it takes in life is for people to find one little connection, and it's amazing to see the different ways it grows and branches out. I am not a very active commenter on all the blogs I read, but I have felt a weird type of bond with all these people I have never even met since day one. I can't tell you how many times I really needed a pick-me-up, and these ladies never fail to provide it. Knowing that there is another soldier in the army makes me so happy, and the fact that you are among the male variety somehow makes that even better. And I think we all (after being "introduced" through Twitarded) should be proud at the positive outlet we now have. I appreciate all of you.

  22. Yep. Twidarded somehow changed me into a happier, more free version of myself. And although I only manage the six little people who live here, they benefit as well. (along with the husband. wink, wink) Thank you for putting into words why I feel so connected to this group of women. See you in Forks!!!

  23. All I can really say that hasn't already been said is YAAAAYYYYY MR. PANTZ! Oh wait, I think that's been said.

    I'm maybe a little bit younger than the average Twitard but I've found more than just a blog, I've found a lovely community of wonderful women (and the token man!) who have opened me up to myself in new ways - seriously, I'm doing things like writing that I haven't done in years, and taking a trip across the country to FOOOORRRKKKSSS - these are things that I wouldn't have done otherwise, and I"m profoundly grateful. Hell, I'm profoundly grateful for the chuckles I get at the end of the day when I come home and check Twitarded. It's crucial.

    Also, you have expanded my vocabulary in ways I hadn't previously imagined. "Pasty twatty-poodled assface" is one I've been throwing around a lot.


  24. Just got back into town having not opened a computer in more than 28 hrs (a new record BTW) and come back to find Twitardia covered in a warm and fuzzy explosion from your Pantz... *mops brow* ooh, what fun! And what a surprising, delightful, emotional, and uplifting experience it was.

    I sat down (hours?) ago and have been reading forEVAR, absorbing every fuck-awesome word including ALL comments on yours and Twitarded's blog. Thanks, Mr. Pantz, for noticing, appreciating and now joining the Twitardedness of us all. Penis or no penis, you get it, you really GET IT.

    In the spirit of this Twibloggylurvefest, please have the lovely MissusE plant a big smooshy hug wherever she likes from me... MWAH! oh, and Mr. Raitz says hi (if he spoke blog, he'd say *chest bump* I'm sure...)

    Now I'm literally struggling to keep my eyes open - I've been insanely hungover all day (EPIC night tho - TM wuz there), and in addition to having to deal with the in-laws, hours of driving, horrible coffee, and no access to asprin, I'm THRILLED to be a Mom tomorrow... Other than basking in the glow of being a mommy to two amazing and gorgeous little ladies on Mother's Day, dammit, it's my fucking turn to sleep in - WOOT!!!!

    Nighty night!

  25. BRILLIANT!!! Oh Mr. Pantz, how you have totally and completely quantified the unquantifiable! I'm in awe of your superior grammatical skills. THANK YOU! Our hearts are all touched by these chicks and they needed to hear it from one of us. And that's exactly what you are, Mr. Pantz, one of us!


    (And I apologize about not following your blog sooner. I didn't know you had one.)

  26. @SV- that's because it not a real blog yet. *snicker* it won't be official until june 1st!

    @Raitz- thanks. Give Mr.Raitz one of those super cool Top Gun volleyball scene ober-the-top-slap-at-the-bottom high fives for me!

    ladies i am fucking beat. i just spent the better patr of 3 hours commenting back to everyone over at Twitarded. now that i'm home i assume everyone here loves me no matter how i am. so i'll say hello, there's sodas in the fridge, help yourselves. let me post my "not a real post" for today then i'm just going to crash on the couch. wait until you hear snores before you use my ear as a coaster. :)

    thank you for the love. it is returned to each one of you tenfold from here. mwah!!!


  27. dear mr.pantz: well thank fuck for a man, and welcome to twitardia.

    i know the holy trinity has balls, but NOW we've got a real swingin' dick we can count in our midst. heh.

    and you can type, too. score!

    ps. blogging and keeping all of us h00rs satisfied is a hard job. take two valium and post us in the morning.

  28. Well said Mr. Pantz!

  29. I heart you. I'm sad I missed this lovefest at the yurt. But I'm here, better late than never! I agree 100 percent with everything you said - couldn't have said it better. Twitardia has changed my life, and meeting awesome people like YOU as a HUGE part of that. Much love for the Pantz clan.

  30. He said it all. Though I've said it before, I'll say it again because it bares repeating; your blog has given me somthing to smile about on a daily basis. I'm not out in the work force like most of you ladies but I am a hard working run down mother of three boys. I cant afford to stay home, but circumstances beyond our control insists that I do. My boys have Autism and it's not only emotionally draining but it leaves me physically battered from the emotional stress. Imm 33 and I feel like Im 60. But after the kids are in bed and my husbands at work on the night shift I have you ladies to laugh with. You make my own life a little bit easier and remind me to smile, that it's okay to be silly and giggle at yourself. And for that I have absolutely no words that can express my thanks. Keep up the good work! I love you girls and Mr Pants as well. Wow, a dude has infiltrated our sanctum. Hope we dont scare him off. LOL!

  31. I agree with purplecupcake-"Twitarded somehow changed me into a happier, more free version of myself."

    They have no idea how much happiness they spread- along with the smutty ("sparkle-peen" keeps wanting to work its way into my normal conversations!).

    Biggest hugs!

  32. Mr. Pantz, what a truly awesome letter that was!! It speaks so much for your character that you feel this deeply about your Twitarded experience and then took the time to write something this eloquent to show your appreciation. I love your unique perspective and am so glad to have you as a resident of Twitardia!!

  33. Well this is awesome. Having been a longtime lurker to Twitarded and only just recently made my first post, I wholeheartedly agree with you, nicely done! *tosses Mr. Pantz a beer*

  34. Mr. Pantz, how sweet of you to put all this fuzzy and warm feelings to all of us!! i feel myself too, that everytime i check on twitarded my day just gets better!


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